It looks like we've lost your brother or sister. I woke up this morning and my first thought was that I didn't feel sick today. The spotting had already started. I went to the doctor and they did an ultrasound, where they showed the new baby was measuring at 4 weeks instead of 5 and a half, which makes a big difference very early on. It's gotten worse and it's pretty clear this one isn't going to work out.
It makes me sad and angry. I feel humiliated that I told people about your new brother or sister--we should have waited, I guess. I was only telling people I wanted to be there to support me if something did go wrong, but instead I'm just ashamed and want to hide.
I feel guilty that I don't feel that sad. Disappointed, sure, but mostly I just feel like, well, that's a bummer, maybe next time. And I miss you all the more, because I shouldn't have to go through this. I should already have a living child.
I'm still so grateful for the life you did have. I love you so much.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. I was cheering for you and the little one inside. Loss on top of loss--I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeletePlease don't be ashamed for telling. Because you have folks out there who were full of hope for you who are also feeling hurt for you, now, too. I think there's everything to be said for celebrating that internal growth and becoming at the minute we know it's there--especially if you've been made to realize (as I and so many of us have) that that's almost all the time you might have with that, for lack of a better word, spirit or child.
Be gentle with yourself. Peace.
-C
Oh Abigail, I'm so sorry that you are miscarrying. You have been through so much this past year. Thinking of you.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Abigail ~
ReplyDeleteBig HUGS!!!! I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you <3 <3 <3