Thanksgiving

Today was strange. Wonderful, but strange. We had a quiet family thanksgiving dinner with our family, then a raucous dinner with friends. At both places, people talked about you, asked about you, said they were sorry you were gone. We're so incredibly lucky--everyone has been very supportive. We decided that we didn't want to act like you never were. We talk about you often, and pretty much everyone seems to respect that.

At the same time, I felt like I was abandoning you. Because today we told people about your new brother or sister, who we just found out we're expecting. Your new sibling will be born right around your birthday; the due date is July 26, and you were born just ten days earlier.

It's so confusing. It feels like a betrayal. Sometimes I talk to your new sibling, but every time I do, I feel like I should really be talking to you. And I feel like I can't see or hold either of you right now; if you're only near me in your spirits, then somehow I should be trying to "keep it fair" how much I talk to either of you.

This new baby doesn't change how much Daddy and I love you. Not one bit. And our family will always be incomplete; we will always be missing you.

Today, on this day we're supposed to be grateful, I am grateful for both my children. I'm grateful for you, for your short life inside me and for how much you changed Daddy's and my world. And I'm grateful for your brother or sister.

Take care of each other, if you're out there.